Do You Have The Courage To Be Who You Are Meant To Be?

Before I decided to use this title for my blog, my mind was flitting back and forth, somewhere between ‘What do I want to write about?’ to ‘Nah, I’m not really in the mood to write about anything.’ Then, as I was making the bed, (one of my morning rituals) I thought, ‘Am I being who I’m meant to be?’ Having given the question some thought, I’m inclined to say, ‘maybe.’ However, my hope is that after I’ve written this blog, I’ll be closer to knowing... My other hope is, that you, the reader, will be closer to knowing who you are meant to be. Or perhaps be more inquisitive.

Over the last 25 years, much of my life has been spent in the self-development arena, which has included spirituality, psychology and the science behind happiness and well-being. I continue to read any book that’s likely to help me to help others, and by so doing, almost by osmosis, be of benefit to me too. In addition, I’ve picked up numerous tools, through attending seminars, workshops, and various one-one-one coaching and therapy sessions. I can say, through these numerous modalities, I do know myself better. Can I say that I now know who I am meant to be? Well, the honest answer continues to be maybe...

Like numerous people I continue to meet, work with and read about, my childhood was not exactly perfect by any means. And yes, like others, I like to think I’ve been able to move on. However, it would be churlish of me to just cast the experience aside, as you might a worn out dishcloth. Self refection is an essential part of being who we are meant to be. And the main reason for this is to know oneself better: Getting to grips with lingering emotional stuff that’s best left to the past; yet emerges when we least expect it to, is freeing. That’s because we can then give ourselves a break from conditioning, upbringing, history and perhaps some false beliefs.

We can only truly discover who we truly are by delving into who we want to be. And when we do this, initially, we must be prepared to experience more questions than answers. It’s the questions that will propel you toward becoming who you truly are. Think of yourself as an investigative reporter who’s been charged with discovering where the truth lies in a matter of human frailty and misunderstandings. This attitude will enable you to distance yourself emotionally from your feelings and fears. Discovering our true identity is as worthy as it is to discovering a new medical cure. It will change your life, as you now know it, forever. I know that some people have no desire to delve into their lives in the way I’m describing. When I hear that, I think about courage and curiosity.

Our courage, curiosity and desire to improve our life, needs to be ego-free and open to new thoughts. We will also be helped if we are prepared to take risks, make mistakes, experience change and welcome the newness that will come with these experiences. Getting to know who we really are is the one experience in our lives that is unique to us. And while we are in discovery-mode, as if by osmosis, a truer, more authentic version of the person we are meant to be emerges. So, if this is an area of your development you intend to explore, my advice is to be patient, self-caring, be brave and take risks. Know that you’ll make mistakes, and that they will guide you to being a version of you that you will find fulfilling, and will give you more purpose in your life.

This blog was inspired by my recent Personal Branding workshop in London. Each of the attendees were open, receptive and desirous to know how they could further develop their Personal Brand.

I began by explaining that each of us has a Personal Brand. In essence, it’s what others say about us when we are not in the room – our reputation. And in order to be in more control of our reputation, largely, will depend on our attitude, behaviour and the way we communicate. In addition, our listening skills, ability to engage and build rapport are paramount.

By asking 'good questions', we are able to engage with greater expedience and to connect to others. By showing genuine interest in the other person, by default, we come across as more interesting. Generally, people love it when we remember something relevant about them, it often surprises them. And if this is in a business context, it doesn’t have to be about business! This is a delicate balance: not too personal, but always personable.

In order for our brand to have greater influence, particularly in these challenging times, people want us to be authentic. The word authenticity can mean many things, including ‘genuine’, or ‘real.’ The dictionary’s meaning I’m attaching to the word is undisputed credibility. And to be known as someone who has undisputed credibility; of course, you have to know your stuff.

We've all met people who are deeply experienced, and know their subject inside out. However, when it comes to communicating what they know to others, they often fall short. That's because to be able to communicate your experience and knowledge, entails courage, self belief and being true to who you are. Also, it's important that you firmly believe that your knowledge/experience is something that will benefit others.

Here, it helps to have emotional resilience - an ability to bounce back. This one characteristic sends a very posiitve message to one and all. As if by osmosis, it sows the seed of optimism, enthusiasm, passion and self-belief within us. And in many ways, when those qualities are in place, getting our message across becomes far easier. Moreover, we gain more meaning in our life, because we know we are bringing more meaning to the lives of others.

I do believe my workshops encourage, support and enable people to leave the event inspired and motivated to take actions that otherwise might not have occcurred to them. My next workshop is on June 28. If you would like more information, please contact me at: malcolm@malcolmlevene.com

This blog was inspired by a follow-up note I sent to delegates who attended a recent Personal Branding Workshop that Jorgen Sundberg and I co-presented. The follow-up note is intended to act as both a reminder of the day, and a pointer to aspects of the event that I felt touched upon universal themes.

The Personal Branding workshop was as inspiring for Jorgen and me as it was for the attendees who uniformly provided us with top-notch feedback. In addition to Jorgen, who spoke about Personal Branding as it relates to social media and I, who spoke about one’s Inner and Outer Brand, there were three experts, each of whom proved to be congruent with our overall message about Personal Branding.

For our next event on April 6, we've invited two speakers. Susan Heaton Wright is an accomplished voice-coach, whose approach aligns with the acclaimed voice coach and author of “Presence”, Patsy Rondenberg. In addition, Bob Jacobs, an alternative health practitioner who was voted by Tatler magazine as ‘One of Britain’s Top 250 Private Doctors’, will talk to us about how we can increase our energy levels by making better health choices.

Below are aspects of the last workshop that I hope you’ll find both interesting and helpful. At the beginning of the event, each of the attendees voiced their desired outcome for the day. They included:

- Life direction clarity

- A nudge in the right direction

- Understanding their own brand

- Understanding reputation

- Congruence

Each of these required outcomes are up to us to manifest in our lives. And as I mentioned on the day, being a positive role model, conveying an attitude that focuses on solutions, using humility and optimism, will, almost by osmosis, help one to achieve the outcomes above.

Also, appropriately placed and ‘well delivered’ humour, combined with excellent listening skills and empathy are key to gaining a stellar reputation. And when we combine these characteristics with knowing how to ask a ‘good’ question (a good question is one that shows interest in others) we are perceived as a positive role model - someone worth following.

I talked a little about intuition, or, as I refer to it, in-tuition. Over the years I’ve met, interviewed and coached many highly successful leaders, and they’ve all told me that they use their in-tuition when making decisions that for some, need more research, explanation or evidence. I’m not suggesting that one bases all decisions on gut feelings - I am saying acknowledge those feelings, and when they are strong, feel grounded and have a quiet certainty about them, take note.

Lastly, I’d like to touch upon letting go. In essence, letting go is a helpful strategy to advance career prospects, often in unexpected ways. That’s because when we are too attached to a specific outcome we prevent the possibility of a different outcome, one that is often better all round. In short, train yourself to be flexible and nimble. This is something that I firmly believe is worth considering.

Here's the information about our next workshop: http://ow.ly/48qHU

So little time, so many books to read...

Or, perhaps we don’t give enough time to reading the kinds of books that have the power to transform, inspire, and help us to change us for the better. At a very early age, my curiosity about how I could live a more ‘meaningful life’ was insatiable. And because I didn’t have the wherewithal to articulate my feelings, I’d say things like, ‘Why are we here?’, or, ‘Is this it?’ Most of my friends thought I was weird, to my relatives I could have been speaking a foreign language.

Fast-forward to my early thirties when my interest in self-development became heightened. Whilst attending a personal growth seminar, someone suggested I read “The Road Less Travelled.” This was my first foray into the world of reading books that have enabled me to experience my life through an alternative lens, I might add a lens with a far richer view-finder than I could have ever hoped for, or imagined.

When people I don’t know well ask me to recommend a book, I’m often reticent to do so. For me, it’s like recommending a piece of art, or a movie I enjoyed. I’m not entirely comfortable assuming that something that personally resonated with me will do so for someone else. And although I’ve read numerous personal development books, self-help books, books that tell a fictional story that turn out have life affirming parables, knowing which one might best suit another person just seems too assumptive.

In my attempt to share some of my reading with a wider audience, I’ve compiled a partial list of books that have contributed to my own development, and my desire for continued personal growth. You might notice the omission of “The Road Less Travelled” - It’s many years since I read this book, and I’m uncertain as to whether it will have the same relevance today as it had all those years ago. It’s probably time to read it again...

Here's my partial list:

One Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: A remarkable true story of one man’s courage, emotional resilience and determination to survive.

Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers: This book has been in print for over twenty years, and it’s as relevant today as it was when first published.

Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell: This book gives credence to the power of intuition. Gladwell is a gifted writer, he grounds a subject that some in the business world consider to be a bit ‘flaky.’

The Power of Nice – How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, by Linda Kaplan & Robin Thaler: A great, short, easy-to-read book by two women who run one of the top advertising agencies in New York.

Nudge – Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness, by Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein: A book that anyone in business will find helpful and enlightening. It will change the way you think about you and the world in which you live.

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, by Robin Sharma: A story that helps us all better understand what’s important in our lives. Sharma tell his story with compassion and a deep knowledge of the human condition.

Loving What Is, by Byron Katie: A book by a writer whose life-changing event has touched the lives of many who’ve read her books.

A New World, by Eckhart Tolle: A book that asks us to question ourselves, and to reflect on whether we are living our best life.

On Writing, by Stephen King: If you enjoy writing, this is the book for you. And if you don’t write, you will be inspired by Mr. King’s extraordinary life story, his rise to fame and the unflinching support of his wife.

Flow – The classic work on how to achieve happiness, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: A book that helps us understand how each of us can be happy by following the simple, straightforward advice of the author.

Working with Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman: Goleman brought attention to the area of EQ about 18 years ago; he’s considered to be one of the experts in the field.

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New Year, New You!

First, I’d like to wish you a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year.

I’m really excited about my first workshop of 2011, which I’m running on January 19th. I’m equally excited about the line up of experts who will give this event a special energy, and add exceptional value to the day and to those attending. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of being invited to speak to large corporations about Personal Branding and on each occasion, all I’ve had to do is turn up. The venues were organised, the attendees invited, refreshments in place, materials printed, and the perfect room prepared for me to deliver my 75 minute keynote speech.

This time it’s different, and although I’m co-presenting with Jorgen Sundberg, there’s still a lot to do. Fortunately, Jorgen found the venue, which is a lovely boutique hotel in the West End, The Leonard. I’ve been there three times to check the room where the workshop will be held. The level of service and food, as far as I can tell is spot on. The hotel’s welcoming lounge has three log fires, big comfy sofas, and what one might describe as an eclectic array of mildly eccentric decor. Yet, everything is low-key and in very good taste, particularly the service, which I have found to be superb on each occasion.

This one-day workshop is titled, Personal Branding from the Inside Out. Apart from Jorgen and me, there are three special guest speakers attending. Nita Shah, a superb yoga teacher, who will explain the significant benefits of yoga as it relates to preventing and managing stress, being more energised and feeling physically more grounded. Bob Jacobs, founder of the Society of Complementary Medicine, who will explain how nutrition, lifestyle choices and diet affect our health. In addition, we have a mystery guest who is going to teach us how we can use our voice as a highly effective tool to convey greater ‘presence’.

For those who are not familiar with Jorgen, he’s the founder of Personal Branding UK, a top-notch Social Media company. What Jorgen doesn’t know about Social Media, really isn’t worth knowing. And for those of you who are not familiar with what I do, I help people to develop an authentic Personal Brand, a brand that represents their values, beliefs and what they stand for. My focus is on what I describe as our Inner Brand and our Outer Brand. When these two elements are both congruent and authentic, we stand out in the crowd in exactly the right way.

So, if you are a participant, this is your day, a day to rejuvenate, increase your energy, feel good about you and have some fun.

For further information, please contact me at: malcolm@malcolmlevene.com. Or feel free to phone me on: 07962 157977.

'Tis The Season … For Giving… And Forgiving

In the spirit of giving, this Christmas I’ve made a donation to DEC Pakistan Floods Appeal: http://www.dec.org.uk/

I wish you all a peaceful, happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

Best wishes,

Malcolm

When More Just isn't Enough...

This blog was inspired by Steve Trister. When Steve and I met at a networking event we chatted about the numerous so-called Personal Development experts out there. You know, someone who tells you that if you follow their programme you’ll be able to have a millionaire lifestyle, buy your very own island, in short, have it all. Steve and I deduced that not everyone wants it all. And for some, 'having it all’ is just being happy with what they do have. I’m reminded of a chap I was coaching many years ago who’s ambition was to marry his childhood sweet heart, manage the small bank in his local village and buy a cottage within walking distance of the village. At the time I thought, ‘Is that really all he wants?’ Today that sounds kind of wonderful.

It’s as if we’ve all been brainwashed into believing that more is better and that more will make us happier. Clearly the last three years have shown us that more is actually less. Research undertaken by Gallup, showed that “Once you get above a basic sustenance level – on average, people in rich countries don’t report being all that much happier than people in lower-income countries”. Furthermore, Gallup researchers found that happiness levels “plateaued when people reached an annual salary of £50,000 or $75.000”.

What does that tell us about the state of the nation, or, indeed our state of mind? It tells us that if we don’t hanker after the latest must-have gadgets, the most up-to-date TV, a state of the art mobile phone, or high fashion clothing items or accessories, we’ll feel less worthy. Moreover, we’ll think we’re missing out. We’ve become overly concerned about what others will think of us if we’re not decked out with the latest accoutrements, those trappings that signal recognition of wealth, or how cool someone is.

The onslaught from so-called gurus, who tell us we can have everything we’ve ever dreamed of, combined with the media bamboozling us into believing that what we have isn’t enough, and our ‘addiction’ to thinking that more will achieve more happiness, is just plain wrong. It’s as if we don’t know any more what it is that makes us truly happy because our minds are so full of thinking that more happiness will emerge if we just have more.

Perhaps our brains are so crowded with, ‘I’ll feel happier when I get that new car, new designer outfit, tummy tuck, Botox injections, or luxury vacation in the Maldives, we literally don’t have the space to experience what it is that truly makes us happy. It’s as if the place in our minds that could be at peace would be too quiet and we need the constant chatter in order to feel we are in the loop. Whenever I get the urge to want a bigger and better TV, another beautiful antique wrist watch, or unlimited access to whatever I want whenever I want it, I recall an exercise developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the University Of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Centre.

Here’s the exercise: Close your eyes, quiet your mind and relax your body, then think of five things that you are grateful for in your life. It’s not a cure- all, however, it’s enough to remind us that we are well off in ways that many others in other parts of the world, would consider to be luxurious.

Abraham Maslow's diagram above of the 'Hierachy of Needs' says it all, I think.