The Nice Blog

Being nice is in! That’s what I’m hearing in the business world. From prominent financial institutions to small to medium enterprises, the word is that being nice is the best way to achieve better client rapport, more buy-in from your team and generally speaking, it’ll help you to feel good, too. Interestingly enough, one of my clients is talking about introducing the Nice Awards into his company.

You may be asking: What’s this all about? In pure business terms, we tend to do more business with people we like, and likeability, for the most part, manifests itself as someone who’s nice. Nice is about being thoughtful, going the extra mile, being well-mannered, acting helpfully and smiling. Think of it, when you are around people who demonstrate those characteristics, don’t you feel more upbeat? For those of you who are distrustful of people who just seem too nice, I’m sure you know the difference between real and fake. And if you’re in any doubt, pay attention to the way you feel, not the way you think. Your intuition about someone is often all you need to make a decision about whether they are genuine or not.

I asked my client who is considering introducing the Nice Awards, if five stars for being Nice are best, how many he would give his employees? He said 4. I suggested that four stars are really good. He responded by saying that five is really good, and that anything less is not really acceptable. He added that ‘being nice is just common sense, isn’t it?’ Well, for some it is. However, in my experience a lot of people need to be taught that kind of common sense.

Have a Nice Day!

Finding Happiness

In the UK we prefer to use the word ‘wellbeing’ in exchange for ‘happiness.’ I think the reason we Brits are reluctant to use the “H” word is because it might sound too frivolous. However, this is now changing. In all the recent research I’ve undertaken and interviews I’ve conducted as it relates to what people really want in their lives, when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, happiness sits right at the top.

The LSE’s (London School of Economics) most attended classes are its happiness classes. The same can be said of Wellington College, Harvard University and Cambridge University, to name but a few. In fact, ‘a few’ is inaccurate; there are large numbers of schools, universities and government initiatives in the UK that have happiness/wellbeing projects in place. So now that happiness is out of the closet, how are we going to keep it that way?

It's become clear that real, sustainable happiness is a by-product of what we give, not what we receive. So to put that theory to the test, at the end of last year, I attempted to spend Christmas day volunteering at a charity. However, by the time I got round to contacting the various bodies, it was too late; all the spaces had been filled. There’s a saying - “A dog is not just for Christmas”… I decided I could offer my services after the holiday season.

I approached a mental health charity at the beginning of last month. It turns out that they were looking for someone to run a class on Personal Development. That seemed to be a good fit for me. So, last Thursday I facilitated the first of a 3-week course on Self Development for the charity. About ten ‘service users’, as they’re called, arrived at the Centre to attend the workshop. To be frank, before the event began, I was quite nervous. However, as soon as the first service user arrived, who was both communicative and articulate, I felt calm and happy to be there. At the end of the workshop I felt privileged and fulfilled.

For me, learning how to be happy continues to be a very personal journey. For some, it’s as if they were born happy and remain so throughout their lives. For others, it seems to be as normal as having a cup of tea. I’ve met people who don’t consider unhappiness as an option. Clearly, I don’t have the secret to happiness per se, in saying that, I am learning how to recognise it when it emerges. And being able to recognise what it is that makes me happy for long periods of time is the key to revealing the secret.

P.S - The following may encourage some of you to feel a little happier:

"Banking shares have enjoyed their best week for months. ...bail-out plans on both sides of the Atlantic will ease the current strains..." - The Guardian, Saturday 31 January.

Here’s the Good News for 2009…

Towards the end of 2008 I felt very strongly that 2009 would be a very good year. And in spite of the media onslaught of negativity, I’ve been able to remain optimistic. One thing that has enabled me to stay positive is my determination. In part, this has come about because I don’t trust the media and the way they tell ‘stories.’ We all know that good news doesn’t sell and that bad news does. Well, I for one am no longer buying that story. I’ve had enough. Anyway, how many times do we need to be reminded that we’re facing huge global challenges and living in a new financial climate?

So, as a riposte to the media, naysayers and the doom and gloom merchants, here’s some of the good news for 2009:

Housing – “Affordability will improve in 2009. Which is good news for first time buyers” – Fionnuala Earley, Chief Economist, Nationwide

The Footsie – “City analysts are predicting a healthy rally for shares in 2009…” – Kathryn Cooper, The Sunday Times

The Economy – “Even if the economy shrinks by 2 per cent next year, it will still be as big as it was at the beginning of 2007, and 25 per cent bigger than ten years ago” – Andrew Ellson, Personal Finance Editor, The Times, December 2008.

The good news is out there, we just have to find it. One of the reasons I’ve decided to make it my mission to find better and good news is because, like my clients, I want to feel happier. And we can achieve a state of happiness by being optimistic, imbuing a positive attitude and not giving in to the negativity that’s out there.

Researchers say, optimists do better at work, respond better to stress, suffer fewer depressive episodes and achieve more personal goals, than pessimists. I fully understand that this way of thinking might be a stretch for some. Think of it as learning how to ride a bike, cook or getting fit: practice, practice, practice. As Matthieu Ricard, who has been described as the happiest man in the world has said, “Genuine happiness is a skill it takes time to develop."

‘Tis the season … for giving…

In the spirit of giving, this Christmas, I’ve decided to make a donation to ZANE (Zimbabwe a National Emergency) http://www.zane.uk.com/ - I’m doing this instead of sending Christmas cards to friends, relatives and clients. Given the huge challenges that exist in Zimbabwe and around the globe, it feels like the right thing to do.

I wish you all a peaceful, happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

Best wishes,

Malcolm

Confidence… It’s all in the mind

When referring to the current economic challenges, Niall Ferguson, the journalist and prolific author who specializes in financial and economic history tells us that “Fifty percent of the problem is confidence.” When I heard him say that on the BBC, I decided to further investigate by interviewing a couple of City Fund Managers and analysts. Each of the individuals I spoke to concurred with Mr. Ferguson’s take. In fact, some of them believe that it's much higher than 50%!

So, I thought to myself, if what Ferguson and other economic experts are saying about confidence is accurate, we can fix that… can’t we? A healthy self-confidence is pivotal when making any important decision. It enables us to be passionate, resolute and focused. So what happens when our confidence becomes weakened, or eroded? Or more importantly, what do we need to do when we’re able to recognise those debilitating feelings?

A lack of self-confidence is often brought on by unhelpful thoughts, thoughts that often are not verifiable. Contemporary psychologists call that kind of thinking, catastrophizing. So, if we can better manage our emotions, can we better manage ourselves in business? The answer is an unequivocal yes, of course we can. Daniel Goleman’s books on EQ (Emotional Intelligence) are perfect foils for those of you who are feeling a little less steady on your feet. Having used EQ in my personal life and my coaching practice since its inception about 20 years ago, I can attest to the positive effect it has on people. It teaches us how to manage our emotions, in effect, to transcend them. EQ is one of the most helpful ways we can prevent ourselves being at the mercy of those negative feelings.

As Steve Forbes, editor-in-chief of business magazine Forbes and former U.S Presidential candidate said in a recent BBC interview - “Emotion is your enemy.”

Whose Blog Is It Anyway?

Only after I completed the blog I was going to post next, did I realise that I wouldn’t be posting it. I must have read and re-read it a half a dozen times. My wife, Kate, read it at least three times; clearly this was a message to quit. However, I’m not a quitter, so I decided to write this instead:

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of doom and gloom from the media. Okay, I’m not suggesting that we should be in denial… fat chance. What I am saying is that we need to keep a healthy perspective, really. Ruby Wax told Andrew Marr on his BBC Sunday show that the terrible situation in Congo should be at the top of everyone’s minds, not the Ross, Brand BBC thingy. I agree with Ruby. However, I don’t know about you, but my mind is so full of information and to-do stuff that I don’t have enough space for much more. Particularly if it’s the kind of ‘more’ that I feel deserves thoughtful attention from me, which the Congo clearly does.

So, I’ve decided to give more attention to me! Yes, the person I usually put at the end of my to-do list. I figure that if I spend quality time keeping fit, healthy and positive, I’ll feel better about me. And if I feel good about me, I’ll be able to do my job better, and maybe take on more ‘stuff.’ That’s because my self esteem will become buoyed, and my outlook on life will be that much brighter. In short, my default will be to see the glass as half-full more of the time.

Remember this – you are your greatest asset, ensure that you invest… in you! When we begin to realise that, it gives us the opportunity take another look at how we treat ourselves. Treat yourself as you would someone you care about. In these challenging times, we’re all we’ve got. Take care of you so you can take care of those close to you. Consider it your responsibility to ensure you stay healthy emotionally and physically. Even if you go for a long walk three times a week, eat healthier food or send a small amount of money to help people in the Congo. In fact, that’s it – I’ll donate some money to the Congo… now that’s one thing less to do on my to-do list!

Leadership Style…

You may be asking what style has to do with leadership. I asked Roger Mavity, CEO of Conran Holdings and co-author of Life’s a Pitch about the qualities and characteristics he thought were important in leaders. Amongst honesty, strategic thinking and being a good listener, Roger mentioned style. Here’s what he said about leaders with style: “They’re living a bit more than other people.” I agree, in that the leaders I’ve coached and interviewed who most impress me lead a richer life than others. It’s as if, irrespective of age, gender or experience, they have the kind of wisdom that commands attention and respect from those they encounter. In these challenging times, these are the kinds of leaders we need.

So, how would we know if a leader, which could mean you, your boss or our Prime Minister, is the kind of person I’m talking about? Here are 7 ways to find out:

- Business leaders need to be authentic if they want others to follow them.

- When business people talk about being a workaholic to impress us, they’re living a bit less.

- Awareness is one of the keys to being an effective leader: you need eyes in the back of your head.

- A passionate leader enables people to follow him or her. Not only can you hear passion, it’s something you can actually feel.

- Body language. Yes, we’re back to that topic… In short, keep it open, friendly and stand tall.

- In order to influence listeners, leaders must communicate with energy and enthusiasm.

- Leaders need to be courageous, pragmatic, positive, visionary and focused.